Pretty Ugly

Originally Posted: December 17, 2019

I hate math. How I never failed a single math course is beyond me. Placement tests for college? I was placed in a class that focused on whole numbers and decimals. Six classes under college level. But ya know what I always hated more than math? Gym class. Or, Phys. Ed. If you had that one teacher who found the other disrespectful.

As an adult, I completely grasp the value of children learning the importance of movement, exercise, and team activities. I’m not saying the class should be vetoed, but it is one giant master plan to embarrass the nonathletic and clumsy. Like me, who wore shirts with Betty Boop – working on her fitness.

Presidential Standards for Physical Fitness Tests? I never met any of the standards, below average actually. Push-ups, sit-ups, and don’t get me started on the damn pull-up bar.

Please. Just put zero and let me move to the next embarrassing “test”.

I guess the sit-and-reach wasn’t so bad. Fly yourself forward as fast as you can and hope your partner can read the line your finger was at for a split second – and then lie. The mile run? More like the mile lackadaisical walk. Queen of the shameless 27-minute mile, and probably why I wasn’t top pickin’ for team games.

Any sport or activity that involved things being kicked, thrown, or smacked in my direction was (and is) not my idea of a good time. If someone made the questionable choice to give me a chance to participate, I’d throw it away – literally get rid of it as quick as I can, and if that means handing the football off to the opposing team because they happened to be standing right there? Okay.

Please don’t throw it to me. Please don’t throw it to me. Please don’t throw it me. Please don’t throw it to me. PLEASE don’t throw it to me.

Me, silently chanting to myself

Am I the only one who gave eyes to the other weak girl on the opposing dodgeball team? You get me out and I’ll return the favor. Oh, my turn to enter the game again? Nah. I’ll hang out until the teacher notices and forces me back in the whirlwind of foam balls..

Why is the rope climb important? Why can’t it be optional? Like, extra credit. This should only be mandatory for adults who would need this skill to perform their job duties. Firefighter. Police officer. Military. Body Builders. Can’t think of a single reason why my chubby 15-year-old ass needs to attempt to climb hang from a rope. As if hanging from the pull-up bar wasn’t shameful enough.

Some of you have never hung shamefully while your class watched, and it shows.

I realize I am a grown woman who just went on a rant about something from decades ago, so I tried really hard to think of some positive memories. Ultimately, seeing how I couldn’t come up with a single f****** one, I feel my emotions regarding this subject are justified.